Hello, is it you you're looking for?

Before a friend of mine left for the United States of A. last year, she messaged me on Google Talk and we talked for a little while. Bearing in mind that she was someone I had not spoken to since we graduated from junior college, I was a little surprised.

She poured out her insecurities, her doubts and feelings about leaving here. No, not so much about leaving, but more about choosing to go there. I did my best to soothe her troubled mind, acting merely as an accessory to help her calm herself down.

When I next talked to her, she was there enjoying herself completely. I was glad for her.

Thinking back, I have never understood why she chose me that night. Why not one of her closer female friends, why not one of her closer male friends for that matter? In junior college we barely talked, past graduation I never saw her again before she left; I now consider myself her acquaintance.

Expanding this thought further leads to suggestion that I have never become more than an acquaintance to many of the people I have come to know (with notable exceptions of course).

Existing for everyone else,
Living for no one at all;
Knock on my door:
Is it you you're looking for?

Proposing contentment as the panacea to all unhappiness is good in theory. In practice though, how can I be satisfied with being only a conduit for all the problems people face? To solve things for others and never share the spoils.

I am still waiting for you to change my mind.

$

It is at the enabler of dreams. It is the root of all evil. It is a construct, one that is indispensable. It is never enough - enough is never enough.