You Aren't Here/There

How do two souls so in sync tear themselves apart in such a short time? How can they walk down the road of a year, of 365+ days of constant conversation, then take the split roads that take them apart? How do you expect me to live alone when you were always there?

All my life I've tried

To make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide

Waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn

To decide

Song lyrics speak truths. They speak the innermost feelings of my heart without needing me to form even a single word. Yet, I've learnt that there is no pleasing everybody. I gave up my own love for the comfort of my loved ones. I hurt you to heal the rifts in my relationships with others I loved.

Just hurt and hide. I am told to embrace my fears, bare my sadness, open up to others to let them know how I feel. I cannot do that because it would simply make everyone around me upset again. I know, I have tried. So yes, hurting and hiding, this has and always will be my modus operandi.

Because the only one I stopped hiding from no longer seeks.

You aren't here anymore. I promised you that my heart was only yours and would forever be yours, no matter if I could be with you or not. Do you remember this promise if promises even mean anything to you? It does to me, and I'll keep it till the end of my life. Maybe I am jaded and I will regret penning this down as a tangible record. But I do not want to go through this all again so I won't try again. My promise is not perfect and it would be selfish to write this, but I will anyway: I had hoped you made the same promise to me.

I don't think you ever did.