I dreamt of you last night. It was a beautiful memory, a montage perhaps of all the times we spent together. It led on to what it could have been, an impossible future. But that's why it is called a dream, why I use the word "impossible". It will never happen.
You seem content with your life, busy working on assignments, completing projects that you must. Now I can't even find you online; you don't want me to be even able to take a glance at your profile picture. Why?
Sometimes I wish we had met in a different circumstance. I wish that we had just remained friends, perhaps even good friends. I wish we had never gotten together, never spent those times we did, never became as close as we were.
I should stop using the word "we".
The irony lies in the fact that I am only wishing such things precisely because I became close to you, I spent those times with you, I had gotten together with you. I became more than a good friend to you, I became more than a friend to you. Friends don't hurt this badly even when they fall out with each other. But you were, and still are, more than a friend to me.
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss
I used this quote once, twice. When dreams are the only reality I want then, how does this quote apply? I have reached a point where I know thinking will only make things worse. I know that I have to deaden myself to these emotions, these wishes, these hopes, knowing that they will always only be what they are - dreams.
I will work hard in all that I do now not because I want to but because I have to. I will go away in less than two years, move away from everything here that reminds me of you. I won't come back till I am completely sure that my heart no longer aches for you.
In achieving other aspirations then, I will forget this past reality and these impossible dreams. You've left your mark; I hope you're happy.
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