In light of all the world's issues, ranging from natural disasters like floods drowning Bangkok and droughts in China, to man-made ones like Japan's nuclear calamity and political upheavals in Libya and Egypt (etc. of course), it would seem then that the only question I have is trivial. A waste of time and mind perhaps, as some might say, better spent finding solutions to other more pressing problems.
It was a question planted in my mind some time ago. It resurfaced when my colleague mused at its irony. So, can true, pure unconditional love ever exist between persons? If not, in what modified form did I give and experience it? I thought I experienced such love but thinking back, she never really did love me the way she claimed she did. This could bias the discussion below so caveat emptor.
The premise of unconditional love is for one to love a person in his (or her) entirety, to love him for his qualities, flaws and so on. Every single cell/molecule if one wants to put it that way. It also asks one to love another without expecting love in return, or anything for one's self for that matter. It is a self-sacrificial love, perfect in its purest form. To think of the other without thinking for one's self.
Yet to love a person is to want the person to change for the better. It is human imperative to help a loved one be the best he can be. And how can it possible to love someone's flaws and still want them to change? Unconditional love is freely given and infinite. It does not end, no matter what, even if one observes flaws in a person. It perhaps is not so much the irony of unconditional love but the paradox of it - to love flaws one wants the person the change is not loving it at all.
It was proposed that unconditional love is an impossible concept for humans, only possible from God (a perfect being). Instead true love between (imperfect) individuals is said to be "conditioned" love, where kinks can be ironed out without losing the love he once showered on her and vice versa. In absolute terms, this is not unconditional love anymore but something modified to support and help each other in any committed or close relationship.
Thinking back to the times when I was still with her, I can say that there was neither unconditional love on my part, nor on hers. One reason she gave for the break up was my insistence that she changed parts of her life. She never did see that I meant it for her own good, she was too involved, blinded and stubborn to understand what I wanted for her. Though she insisted that she always thought for me, my feelings and ex cetera, I never saw it when she went about doing things behind my back and justifying it at the end of the day. Her words never held any weight, her promises worth even less. She never saw the blades she stabbed into me each and every time that happened. She left me bleeding and bled me dry without a second thought.
Yet she said she loved me. Unconditionally. I do not know what she meant by this love because betraying someone this cruelly and hurting someone so badly would not even fall under what I have identified as "conditioned" love above, even less as unconditional. All because I loved her, I tried, time and time again to forgive her, to point out her ways to her so she might change. These efforts were all dismissed as attempts to control her life. I became the bad guy in the relationship and my actions were the basis for the break up. Was this fair? No. Was this what I wanted? No. Was this what she wanted? Perhaps, from the very beginning maybe.
I should not be so quick to judge what she thinks. I should only write about what I know to be true. A moment ago, I was tempted to send her a message to tell her this truth: I still love her and I will never be fair to any girl I might meet for she will only be a replacement. I agree with my parents that I am a fool to have loved her and its only stupid to continue loving her when she has moved on with her life.
But stupidity is a component of falling in love isn't it?
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